i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
where am i from again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
