talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
