Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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