I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
