You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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