I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
