I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize