i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
