champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
