Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
