I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
