sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
