I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize