Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
