what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
