Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
