i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
