it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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