I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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