Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
