I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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