my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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