i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
