quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize