She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
