No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
