In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
