I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
