I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
