dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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