He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
