It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
