Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
