Where is the hickey?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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