i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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