I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
