I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
