Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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