No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
