My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
