i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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