chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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