I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize