is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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