All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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