small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
