What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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