They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
