my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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