Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
