it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
