the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
