I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
