you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
