Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
