I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
