i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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