what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
