he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
