"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
