all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
