i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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