at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize