ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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