i permit you to call me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
