dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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