You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize