What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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