I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
