what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize