"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
