dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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