I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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