I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
