never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize