I'm lost and stupid without you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
