I think I am morally bankrupt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
