I am puke
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
