it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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