just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
