just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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