Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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