Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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