She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
