He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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