I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
