True but thats because hes a fetus.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
