Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
