Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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