Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
