john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
