I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
