party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
