I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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